"mommy, why is everything pink? i mean... literally... ev-ry-thing is pink!..."

"i just want to reel in all the good and kind things me about me because my faith in people seems to lead me astray every time... i'm tired of being emotionally swindled just because i'm a good person..."

"he doesn't like girls, he likes dresses..."

"i might just go all martha stewart on your asses..."

"he's cute and brown, like me..."

"how can you not like music?... that's like not liking cookies..."

"getting married without a prenup is like having sex without a condom..."

"i'm full... and drunk..."

"something about that makes me feel not so smart..."

"i don't actually have a party to go to tonight... i just meant i have a date with my mmhmmm..."

"you're the kind of dirty that don't wash off..."

"wait, hold on... i'm gonna say something funny..."

"you gotta lighten it up, ease it up and squeeze it out..."

"when i look back at myself in college i think, 'what did i have against things like showering and wearing a bra?'..."

"when you get all like famous and stuff... i'm totally gonna be all like.. 'oh yeah... i know her. she coo'..."

"don't be blind, look where you're coming from... it was all you ever needed..."

"i got courvoisier dreams on a champipple budget..."

"yes, i'd like to order a goal for germany..."

"you had your first erection because of disney... i had my first one because of renoir..."

"she thinks she's so couture and fashion forward but she's really just on the cusp of now..."

"she brought a secret weapon... hot gays..."

"you're not ever going to not wear panties again?... i don't understand how you fuck that up..."

"you're as american as... well... native american..."

"you're so hollywood you don't even get the phrase 'you're so hollywood'..."

"what's this about the marine layer burning off by 1pm?... the real forecast should be cloudy with a punch in your weather whore face!..."

"there must be about a half million dollars worth of weed in the corner... ahhhhhh that makes me so excited!..."

"you must be serious about this cake if it's going through security..."

"pants off... nap on..."