"i mean look at me...clearly, i have maintenance issues..."

"i'm a big, blonde, fluffy hairball out of orange county..."

"the best advice i ever got was it's better to be half-naked than a three-eyed monkey..."

"she thinks she's this great communicator...in reality, she's just a passive aggressive bitch..."

"happy pony's on...and i'm not missing happy pony...wtf is happy pony..."

"being a passive aggressive bitch over text is so the new black..."