"only if i had it tattooed on my forehead could i be a bigger fool..."

"i'm so sick of these corporate robot managers trying to out-do each other on the motivational front with their 'read this book, it'll really put your career in focus' and 'listen to this cd in the car, it'll really get you ready for the day ahead' bullshit...i mean seriously...don't they know that's what therapists are for?..."

"if you want another drink, go ahead and order one...and i'll order a really long straw..."

"you should see me...i have on a red wig and fake eyelashes...i was going for hot but instead i look like ronald mcdonald..."

"he's coming up to meet me and it's been a while so i'll have to take him home and...you know..."