notable kwotables

2010-08-22T01:26:00.001-07:00

"no, not frankie's t*tty bar... i said TIKI bar!..."

2010-08-09T10:05:00.000-07:00

"there is no do, only outdo..."

2010-08-08T18:22:00.001-07:00

"butter is better..."

2010-08-07T21:02:00.001-07:00

"is that him?... it doesn't look like him... he needs to take his shirt off, then i can tell..."

2010-08-07T18:11:00.001-07:00

"oh girl, your boobs look great, that's why i included them!..."

2010-08-06T11:08:00.000-07:00

"symbiotic is just a fancy way of saying co-dependent..."

2010-08-06T01:01:00.001-07:00

"you had me at one part scotch..."

2010-08-03T22:38:00.000-07:00

"she made a left when she should've made a right..."

2010-08-03T22:36:00.000-07:00

"it's so refreshing to see an opera singer who's not fat and sweaty..."

2010-07-31T14:15:00.001-07:00

"mommy, why is everything pink? i mean... literally... ev-ry-thing is pink!..."

2010-07-30T10:57:00.000-07:00

"i just want to reel in all the good and kind things me about me because my faith in people seems to lead me astray every time... i'm tired of being emotionally swindled just because i'm a good person..."

2010-07-29T23:20:00.001-07:00

"he doesn't like girls, he likes dresses..."

2010-07-27T23:16:00.001-07:00

"i might just go all martha stewart on your asses..."

2010-07-24T22:43:00.000-07:00

"he's cute and brown, like me..."

2010-07-24T20:49:00.001-07:00

"how can you not like music?... that's like not liking cookies..."

2010-07-24T19:02:00.001-07:00

"getting married without a prenup is like having sex without a condom..."

2010-07-24T18:19:00.001-07:00

"i'm full... and drunk..."

2010-07-24T14:47:00.001-07:00

"something about that makes me feel not so smart..."

2010-07-22T23:35:00.001-07:00

"i don't actually have a party to go to tonight... i just meant i have a date with my mmhmmm..."

2010-07-22T23:34:00.001-07:00

"you're the kind of dirty that don't wash off..."

2010-07-21T23:05:00.001-07:00

"wait, hold on... i'm gonna say something funny..."

2010-07-20T19:36:00.001-07:00

"you gotta lighten it up, ease it up and squeeze it out..."

2010-07-18T23:24:00.000-07:00

"when i look back at myself in college i think, 'what did i have against things like showering and wearing a bra?'..."

2010-07-13T01:50:00.000-07:00

"when you get all like famous and stuff... i'm totally gonna be all like.. 'oh yeah... i know her. she coo'..."

2010-07-09T00:44:00.001-07:00

"don't be blind, look where you're coming from... it was all you ever needed..."

2010-07-08T01:08:00.000-07:00

"i got courvoisier dreams on a champipple budget..."

2010-07-07T13:34:00.001-07:00

"yes, i'd like to order a goal for germany..."

2010-07-06T23:38:00.000-07:00

"you had your first erection because of disney... i had my first one because of renoir..."

2010-07-06T22:37:00.001-07:00

"she thinks she's so couture and fashion forward but she's really just on the cusp of now..."

2010-07-06T21:11:00.000-07:00

"she brought a secret weapon... hot gays..."

2010-07-05T19:21:00.000-07:00

"you're not ever going to not wear panties again?... i don't understand how you fuck that up..."

2010-07-05T16:18:00.001-07:00

"you're as american as... well... native american..."

2010-07-05T13:29:00.001-07:00

"you're so hollywood you don't even get the phrase 'you're so hollywood'..."

2010-07-05T13:25:00.001-07:00

"what's this about the marine layer burning off by 1pm?... the real forecast should be cloudy with a punch in your weather whore face!..."

2010-07-05T12:21:00.001-07:00

"there must be about a half million dollars worth of weed in the corner... ahhhhhh that makes me so excited!..."

2010-07-05T12:16:00.001-07:00

"you must be serious about this cake if it's going through security..."

2010-07-01T19:40:00.001-07:00

"pants off... nap on..."

2010-06-28T13:11:00.001-07:00

"after a while, all good competitions become head games..."

2010-06-28T13:04:00.001-07:00

"just remember, you can't cure crazy..."

2010-06-27T21:30:00.000-07:00

"yogurtland should really be called, 'squeeze it yourself, bitch!'..."

2010-06-27T14:07:00.001-07:00

"she's a hippie... but she's clean..."

2010-06-27T01:20:00.000-07:00

"she's a ground-up kinda girl... you know, she's willing to get her hands dirty working hard and doesn't think just because you look cute in a skirt you're gonna have everything handed to you..."

2010-06-26T22:05:00.001-07:00

"you can tell she's getting pissed because she's starting to swear more and more whenever i talk to her..."

2010-02-05T02:46:00.001-08:00

"one of my golden rules is that i don't trust straight guys named jason..."

2010-01-28T17:50:00.001-08:00

"i dreamt last night that i met the one... but then i woke up alone... and with cramps..."

2010-01-23T02:14:00.001-08:00

"you're hallucinating? that's so awesome!..."

2010-01-17T16:58:00.001-08:00

"we all know golden is a state of mind..."

2010-01-07T21:13:00.000-08:00

"i don't care if you just woke up, you better fluff up quick!..."

2010-01-03T14:50:00.000-08:00

"i'm an aries....competitive by nature...so when i go to arcades it's like feeding gizmo after midnight...not pretty..."

2009-12-28T12:34:00.000-08:00

"classy is liking the bling bling in the mouth..."

2009-12-22T22:52:00.000-08:00

"honey, you get your legs up that high and something's bound to not look good..."

2009-12-20T19:43:00.000-08:00

"i'm young and agile... and supple... and probably drunk..."

2009-12-16T00:47:00.001-08:00

"they sound like they're the kind of tree hugging people who would wash paper plates..."

2009-12-10T21:50:00.002-08:00

"i'm gonna be so rich, i'll be able to wipe my ass with dollar bills!..."

2009-12-10T21:50:00.001-08:00

"as soon as i'm done procrastinating, i'm gonna get something done..."

2009-12-05T00:23:00.000-08:00

"male strip clubs are bullshit!...i don't wanna waste my money watching some dude dance in a speedo...i want dicks!...i want balls on my forehead!...i'm just sayin' it's just not fair we don't get the same as guys do at female strip clubs..."

2009-11-30T22:19:00.000-08:00

"i mean look at me...clearly, i have maintenance issues..."

2009-11-22T17:07:00.000-08:00

"i'm a big, blonde, fluffy hairball out of orange county..."

2009-11-19T01:35:00.001-08:00

"the best advice i ever got was it's better to be half-naked than a three-eyed monkey..."

2009-11-13T16:54:00.001-08:00

"she thinks she's this great communicator...in reality, she's just a passive aggressive bitch..."

2009-11-11T05:12:00.001-08:00

"happy pony's on...and i'm not missing happy pony...wtf is happy pony..."

2009-11-03T09:22:00.001-08:00

"being a passive aggressive bitch over text is so the new black..."

2009-10-29T21:40:00.001-07:00

"some people call it the afterglow... i just call it the aftermath..."

2009-10-06T23:48:00.000-07:00

"99% awesome...100% of the time..."

2009-10-04T23:17:00.001-07:00

"they said the best was next door...they lied...it was around the corner and down the street..."

2009-09-30T23:10:00.001-07:00

"safe words don't count as code words!..."

2009-09-29T12:30:00.001-07:00

"when a girl is past her twenties and is still unmarried...there's usually something..."

2009-09-28T23:30:00.001-07:00

"i'm not really a religious person...but i do pray for opportunities to make fun of people..."

2009-09-20T04:10:00.001-07:00

"if by 'morning person' you mean someone who goes to bed around 5 or 6 am...then yes, i am a morning person..."

2009-09-15T23:05:00.000-07:00

"this isn't melrose place...and you're not amanda woodward..."

2009-09-06T21:16:00.001-07:00

"my advice to you... keep it wound... whether it's your watch or your personality... there's something to be said for being wound up..."

2009-09-06T20:28:00.001-07:00

"i should put it on...it's fancy...i get attention...i like attention..."

2009-08-29T02:42:00.001-07:00

"she said her first time was with me but you know...she's one of those christian girls..."

2009-08-29T02:36:00.001-07:00

"i've never drinken so much in my entire life!..."

2009-08-27T23:08:00.001-07:00

"oh, there's skin on the chicken?...i better put my teeth in..."

2009-08-24T10:08:00.000-07:00

"oh my gawd...los angeles is so ridiculous...they don't have any red lobsters, outbacks or party cities..."

2009-08-23T05:52:00.001-07:00

"everyone knows if it's on a toothpick, it's not fattening..."

2009-08-23T00:23:00.001-07:00

"you don't look old, you look young and fresh!... like a 35yr old..."

2009-08-05T18:46:00.001-07:00

"there's something very hookeresque sounding about calling yourself a professional entertainer..."

2009-07-29T22:16:00.000-07:00

"you're right about the writing process...oddly enough though, i find it's usually in my darkest, saddest moments that the words so easily flow...maybe that's the point..."

2009-07-29T22:04:00.000-07:00

"my heart breaks though i know in time it will heal

but never completely as i have a piece of yours

and you will always have a piece of mine..."

2009-07-28T00:56:00.001-07:00

"you can feel guilty spending the money to go to europe but you won't feel guilty after you get there..."

2009-07-28T00:52:00.001-07:00

"you should use your ass for something productive..."

2009-07-26T01:07:00.001-07:00

"put on the monkey mask and come to bed..."

2009-07-26T01:06:00.001-07:00

"sometimes i just wanna screw someone that's dressed like a squirrel..."

2009-07-25T21:21:00.001-07:00

"i sometimes wear the swim cap during sexy moments..."

2009-07-23T20:40:00.001-07:00

"if i weren't so hot, sticky and chaffed...i would have done that all night...

2009-07-20T00:54:00.000-07:00

"please don't let my egregious use of punctuation unduly influence your opinion of my writing...i blame society..."

2009-07-19T16:34:00.001-07:00

"if there were a superhero who fights for manners and politeness, it would have to be modeled after me...maybe just a little less bitchy..."

2009-07-19T14:12:00.001-07:00

"i just know my destiny involves flipping at least one table in my lifetime..."

2009-07-19T06:55:00.001-07:00

"oh wow...i've finally met someone who won't say no to me!..."

2009-07-12T15:34:00.000-07:00

"i prefer to live my life according to the ancient philosophies of sham-wow/slap chop vince: stop having the boring tuna...stop having the boring life..."

2009-07-11T18:30:00.001-07:00

"i never trust anyone wearing ed hardy..."

2009-07-11T11:54:00.001-07:00

"and if you wanna cook 'em real quickly, you say the hell with all that and deep fry 'em!..."

2009-07-06T12:18:00.001-07:00

"he's not a tool just because he has a fucking parrot!"

2009-07-05T23:56:00.001-07:00

"any man who lets you go is useless to the entire world..."

2009-07-04T00:53:00.000-07:00

"vintage pimp golden nugget men's rhinestone cuff links...now if that don't say style with a capital motha' fucka then they ain't nothin' else out there that do..."

2009-07-03T15:10:00.000-07:00

"it's a woman's behind up in the air...i mean...that's not good for the children..."

2009-07-03T01:35:00.000-07:00

"she thinks she's some sort of fashionista and says she's so ahead of the curve, but she's really just on the cusp of now..."

2009-07-02T05:12:00.000-07:00

"my mom's bread pudding is drenched in rum and full of raisins..."

*pause*

"are we talking about your mom's bread pudding....or your mom's bread pudding..."